Weekly Reflection – 11/17/06
Seems like the weeks go by so quickly. Last week I talked about technology around the office, including mobility and being flexible when it comes to meeting and working because of technology. Also, I touched on some of my general appreciation for this workplace and the great things this ministry is able to do because of the people God has chosen to be a part of it.
This week, I’ll reflect a bit more on how I’ve seen myself fit into the mix around here. When I applied for this job, I struggled with the feeling that I was in some way too young or too green to move into a staff role, especially when I am working with students who really are only a couple years removed from where I am. How could I ever feel like I would lead or even be respected as someone who was so close in life proximity? I’ve begun to see through that and I’m reminded of Paul’s encouraging words to Timothy:
"Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity." 1 Timothy 4:12
While I’m not a big fan of just pulling small snippets of scripture out to find the meaning I’m looking for, I do think that this verse stands out to me as a simple reminder that no matter our age, our position, our status, we have purpose in Christ, we have a calling the attend to. I have been able to get over some of my insecurities as the months have passed by understanding that I don’t have to feel set apart or above anyone, but that actually by being so close in age to many students, I can see things from their perspective easier. I was in their shoes only two or three years ago. I know what it was like to struggle through classes at Western. I know what it was like living in community with guys from my small group. In the stories I hear, I hear my stories, and therefore I feel able to offer understanding where I felt like I would only offer irrelevance.
With that said, I have also begun to recognize how much I still have to learn. Whether it’s the topics we discuss on Tuesday nights, or office dynamics, or the life struggles I hear students wading through, I continue to feel comforted in the fact that I don’t know the answers. We are all asking questions about life. We ask questions about how God impacts us, how we relate to him, how we relate to others. From the youngest freshmen to the staff, pastors, and even the older members of our church congregation, we are a people who journey towards our understanding of God, but none of us ever reach him in full knowledge.
This relates back a bit to the book I’m reading that I mentioned last week, "How (not) to Speak of God." This last week I read a bit that stuck out to me. Basically, Rollins approached this idea that while we have conceptualizations of who God is, we never grasp a true picture of God. God is revealed to us in ways that allow us to see that he is unknowable. We experience him as much as we miss him. He overwhelms us. We don’t miss him in that we have a misconstrued or unhealthy conception of him on purpose, but we are actually incapable of producing an image of God in concept or reality that is actually a true reflection of him. He’s too big for that. Yet, he shows us glimpses of himself that allow us to see our hunger for him. His "aroma" permeates our lives. It is not the food of God and we are always left hungry for him, but we know that he is there.
(If that doesn’t make sense then we’re on the same page. I really like this book, but I’m still trying to get what he’s actually saying.)
And so I look at where I am. My in/experience seems to actually allow me to be open to learning more. Maybe if I came into this job with 10 years of ministry under my belt, an M. Div, and a boosted theological ego, I might not be able to converse with students on the level that I do now. Maybe it is a blessing that I can start at the ground floor and have these experiences help shape my views on ministry and leadership. Maybe it is OK that I’m young. I guess we’ll see what happens.
In reference to the Rollins book- how does God overwhelm you personally?
Sean, you’re always asking those tough questions the force people to really dive into the things they say and evaluate what the mean. So, you’re a jerk and thanks.
I think that I would describe God overwhelming me playing out in my realization over the last couple years that I have very little concrete that I know for certain about him. He has become so much larger in my eyes as I’ve moved out of the faith of my youth into a more adult version of faith. As I see that things are not a simple as they seem in the world around me, God in turn also becomes much larger and inexplicable to me than he had ever been.
Maybe the best example of my being overwhelmed by God is my inability to write about him clearly. I want to write a good answer to you, but as I try, I can’t find words that fit what I’m thinking, which is a pretty representation of what happens to me when I try to speak of God. Maybe it’s my weak faith. I always feel like when I try to describe God, I come up short. I could tell you that I KNOW things in my soul that aren’t coming out on the page right, but maybe in saying that, I’m giving you my best example of being overwhelmed by God’s representation to me. Does that make any sense?
You said there is very little that you concretely know about God…what would you say you do know about Him? I understand that it can be difficult to write about God and I admire your struggle to know Him in all of His “overwhelmingness.” Personally, I feel overwhelmed by God in the beauty I see all around me. From the quiet snow falling outside my window right now to the way the pink sunset bounces off golden crops in Kenya…the beauty of this place overwhelms me, haunts me, but mostly- it compels me to seek the One behind it.