Twenty-Three

This morning, I spent a bit of time listening to an interview by Rob Bell of one of my favorite writers/philosophers, Peter Rollins. I always feel refreshed and invigorated after listening to him speak or reading any of his works, and this was no exception.

Rollins covered a variety of topics in this 45 minute Sunday morning interview, but one that stuck out to me, which I've heard him speak on before, is the sense of our "totality of being". Using the world of Facebook as an example, he took on the idea that we create these idealized selves, these perfected versions of who we think we want to be, and deny/hide the people we really are. I'll never be able to articulate his logic completely (or understand it, for that matter), but, more or less, he argues that what really defines our identities is not these idealized selves, but rather the ways we live out in the material world (flesh, blood, clothes, handshakes, spending money, physically being) are what define us. "The truth of who we are is in the totality of our being." Not a portion or segment, but all the we embody.

We lie to (and about) ourselves all the time, sharing versions of ourselves that we'd like to be. I wonder if we act out and promote these versions of self in hopes of reaching out for love and recognition. (I don't really wonder, I know that we do this. I do it myself.) Take, for instance, my previous post about my beard. While I have no problem with it (I posted it), it's also a pretty clear attempt on my behalf to frame myself as important and my style changes as noteworthy. There are plenty of reasons behind how I present myself and that can't be told by sharing only one part of the process and seeking the approval of others from it. But I'm hoping you see a version of me that I'd like you to see and that you make note of it.

Rollins spoke instead about the "totality of being" as something to be looked for, as something to be lived into. Not that we take our material world and proclaim self-importance, out from behind the computer screen, but instead as people who are disrupted and crucified like Christ, we die to ourselves completely and begin living into the space of complete being that is only found in being made new again by Christ. A simple way to say it is, the whole of ourselves (everything from digital projections to where we spend our money to the jobs we do each day) is lived out as a new, completely given-over to the Spirit of Jesus, person. The old is gone. Only the redeemed and made-new remains.

While this summer has been difficult, wrestling with the unknown's of cancer and the sadness of it's impact on our lives, I've begun to see it as an opportunity to live into this being whole. Instead of being clouded by false projections of the world, false ideologies of advertisers or false versions of myself I'd like to be, I've been challenged to just be honest with what's going on. Sadness, anger, and bitterness are not to be hidden, but embraced, lived into, and overcome with the hope of healing and renewal. The challenge has been to be honest in the midst of it all, rather than sugar-coating or denying there's a problem. I'm far from even beginning to understand what this means, but it's wonderfully enticing. It's not comfortable, but maybe it's a move in the direction of wholeness.

If you haven't heard of Peter Rollins, you should check out his blog. His book, "How (Not) to Speak of God" has been incredibly formative for me, as well. I also recently finished Rob Bell's "Velvet Elvis" (5 years later than the rest of the world) and have been awakened to his refreshing voice as well. Both men deeply faithful to this process of becoming whole beings who chase Christ, while both recognizing the frustration, doubt, and difficulty of the journey this takes them on.

     

Click here to download:

The_end_of_beard.zip (349 KB)

My summer project has ended. 4 months of beard are down the drain. Feels clean and weird.

A funny thing to blog about? Sure.

Prayers for:
Hope
Ideas Inspiration
New relationships
Strengthened friendships
God's closeness
Joy
Challenge
Faithfulness
And so much more...

As I look back on all that's happened this summer, running has been such a crucial part of keeping us going. For me, it's been a great release of energy, something to focus on that is fun and a challenge. Stacy has been supportive of me getting out and training, encouraging me to go on days I don't feel up to it and providing me with the motivation to push towards my goal: my first marathon.

I had planned to blog a bit more about this over the course of the summer, but as many of you know, I'm training right now for my first marathon. I'm about 6 weeks away from the race, the Leavenworth Marathon, in the first week of October. One of the things that I'd hoped to share more about was my care for the mission of Blood:Water Mission and how I'm combining my pursuit of this personal marathon goal with an opportunity to help provide water for those who need it way more than me.

Last Fall, at a conference with our interns, I heard Jena from Blood:Water Mission speak about their work digging wells in Africa and their mission to help develop communities and support work to deal with issues of disease and AIDS. I'd been aware of the organization before, through the work of one of my favorite bands, Jars of Clay, but Jena's sharing really excited me about how crucial there work is. If you haven't heard of Blood:Water or their work before, please check out their website. They do incredible things to bring life and love where it's really needed.

As I began my training, I started thinking about trying to find a way to make this whole endeavour more than just something about me. It's pretty easy to get very internally focused as you spend hours out on the road alone. I wanted to find a way to maybe tie in some of this amazing mission work that Blood:Water does with my pursuit of a marathon. So, I did some research. And, I found a way!

Active:Water is a smaller organization that partners with the projects of Blood:Water Mission to connect athletes like myself into the mission of providing clean water to those in need. Active:Water currently is working on projects to develop wells in Zambia, where coincidentally, a couple of friends from Bellingham have just settled for long term mission work. I've emailed a bit with the Active:Water director and leadership team and they're great people who see the mission of providing clean water working so well with athletes, simply because we all need it. Who knows it better than someone who's running mile after mile in the summer heat?

If you have a minute, check out these groups. You can view my Active:Water page here. You can read more about the mission of Blood:Water here.

Finally, I am trying to help raise some money through my training efforts. I haven't been able to spend much time working on this pitch, but my goal at the beginning was to raise $1000 for Active:Water over the course of my training. I plan to run the race in October on their behalf, as well as to support the cancer research being funded through the Leavenworth Marathon, and of course, for Stacy, who provides me with all the motivation I need by being so strong through her cancer this summer. If you would like to contribute, you're welcome and it'd be awesome!

I'd love to hear what ya'll think of this mission/goal. Am I too ambitious? Do you see the connection between this physical undertaking and the mission at hand?

Running the race. Thank you for being a part of my cloud of witnesses.
Hebrews 12.

Seth

In a week and a half, this crazy summer will have ended. I will return to start my 5th year at the INN. Stacy will be back in the classroom, finishing preparations for an new group of 4th graders. In many ways, while these months will pass, they will do much to change us. As I ran this afternoon, I felt the weight of the monumental shift that has begun to happen in me, the changes in the way I've thought about my life and priorities this summer.

We are moving back into the Fall, a very busy time of year for us. I'm very hopeful for the upcoming year at the INN. I'm hopeful that I will once again get to be a part of the work God does in the lives of students. I'm hopeful for opportunities to creatively explore some of the ways I've been taught and experienced His presence this summer, sharing some of my new found perspectives on the things of faith. As with every year, I hope to share some of those exciting moments with even here, via this blog. We start back very soon, so look for more to come.

As some of you have noticed, I've been doing a little bit of running this summer as well. While it hasn't been as consistent as I would have liked, I'm working on getting back on the training horse and pushing onward, hoping to run my first marathon in early October. Running has been a wonderful and difficult place for me to let go of some of the struggles that have hit Stacy and me this summer. I hope to share a bit more about this journey over the next couple of months as well, as I complete my training and hopefully, a race!

We have continued to feel the support of family and friends these last few weeks. Through good news. And through hard news. So much has happened this summer, it's hard to know how to best tell everyone the story. Hopefully, with time, the words will come out more easily and the narrative will begin to make a bit more sense. For now, we continue to ask for your prayers and encouragement. The road ahead is long, filled with much good, many challenges, and all sorts of things to be hopeful for. Love reaches to the middle of it, to the heart of our lives, and we trust in that.

May Love guide you and reach you and impact you today, in the midst of whatever joy, tragedy, or everyday moment you're in.

Wow. It's been a little while since I've written a blog post, updating everyone on our completely unplanned and crazy summer. So much has happened over the past couple weeks. Sometimes, it feels like the time has flown (just over a month since Stacy's surgery) and sometimes it feels like it drags on (as we have had to wait and wait). I've got some really great updates to share, so I'll get to it.

1. BIG Update: Yesterday (Tuesday) we met with Stacy's oncologist in Bellingham to review genetic test results regarding her tumor's recurrence rate. We had waited two weeks to hear these results, so we were very, very anxious. They came back very low, which is awesome.

Basically, the test was done to look at how likely the cancer is to recur, based on genetic factors, compared with other cancer examples, etc. (the test is called ONCODX). These results were important because Stacy's stage of cancer was early, but borderline, enough to consider some of the harsher treatment options (ie: chemotherapy) to eliminate as much possibility of it coming back elsewhere in her body. With good results, though, like she received, the doctor is able to say that chemo would likely do more harm than good overall and therefore recommend other treatment options (less harsh, yet still very effective, hormone treatment).

We were nervous and anxious to find out these results, for lots of reasons. I know many of you have been praying for good prognosis, as we have been. This IS that good prognosis. This IS what we were hoping for (the best case in all this worst case scenario mess we're in). We left the appointment somewhat stunned, having prepared for the worst. I think it's safe to say we (and our families) are still in awe of this wonderful, seemingly miraculous news.

Stacy is likely to begin the hormone treatment within the next month. She's begun her reconstructive appointments, so they will hopefully be able to coordinate finishing that work up with this next phase. The hormone pills won't be easy or pleasant, but their lasting effects are much more hopeful (fertility, overall health), so we're "happy".

2. I've had this other blog post on my mind for a while titled: "I'm really bad at thank you notes".

The last month, we have been overwhelmed by the generosity and care we've received from the wonderful people in our lives. We've recieved meals, kind phone calls, cards, and random bits of encouragement from every direction. It's been wonderful and I deeply believe it's been one of the things that has kept Stacy strong and healing well.

I'm bad at thank you cards, so let me just say, in probably the most insufficient of ways, THANK YOU. Thanks to everyone who is out there reading this, praying for Stacy. Thank you for your concern and care. Thank you for your faithfulness and strength, filling in for places where we've been weak. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

3. Finally, I have to mention how overcome I am at the power of prayer and faith. God has been so present throughout the ups and downs of this whole ordeal. We cannot help but see the hand of God guiding this process.

Places throughout the Gospels, Jesus heals those who reach out in faith. And repeatedly, he remarks that it is faith (in things unseen, in things that are seemingly impossible) that we need. That's all. He tells the parents of a young girl, who has just died while Jesus was delayed on his way to heal her, "do not fear, just believe." Don't fear? In the midst of tragedy? Yeah right! But that's where we've found ourselves, challenged with the open door of fear, but offered this other way: belief. In ways I've not known before, this stuff of faith has become more and more real than ever. The teeth, the bite, the action, and the strength are there. God is here. Without, we have nothing.

So, here we are. The anxiousness is beginning to dissolve. Stacy is getting stronger and stronger every day and more back to her normal self. Her strength and will have continued to amaze me. And so, we continue on. We ask for your prayers, as she begins the treatment, finishes her healing process, and begins to get ready for another year teaching 4th grade. This isn't over. But we are thankful and will continue to be hopeful.

PS: Just so everyone knows, Stacy is most likely on her way to a 4.0 in her 4 (that's right four, 4, quatro) graduate level summer classes at Western that she's ALSO been taking this quarter. Yeah. Incredible.

PPS: Oh yeah, and we're really excited to celebrate our 5 year anniversary tomorrow.

Hope everyone is getting a chance to enjoy this beautiful weekend and the slightly cooler, but still hot and summer-ish, weather outside. We're having a pretty good weekend here in Bellingham. I got out for a long run today and we went to the Bellingham Farmer's Market for the first time together this summer.

We have a small update to share and a request for prayers over the next few weeks.

Yesterday, Stacy and I went back down to Swedish Medical Center in Seattle for an appointment with a medical oncologist. We met with this doctor the week after she first received her diagnosis and this appointment was to follow up the extensive tests and surgery results she has from the last few weeks. The appointment yesterday went very well. He basically told Stacy that all of her reports look really, really good (as we've heard from doctors up here in Bellingham). We were worried that he would recommend some pretty harsh treatment immediately, simply because of her age and to hopefully deal with the cancer definitively right now. Instead, he has asked that she get one additional test run on the tumor to predict the cancer's recurrence rate and potential benefits of chemotherapy. Sounds like a pretty simple test and it's one of the best ways of predicting recurrence and planning treatment options. Also, the doctor told Stacy she's an excellent candidate for the test because of her age, the results up to this point, and her family history.

So, here's where we are: We need to get this test started (takes about 2-3 weeks). And we need to pray that it comes back with a low possibility for recurrence. If it does, she'll likely not have to do chemotherapy now and have a MUCH better overall survival rate in the long-run. Instead, she'd likely take hormone pills (no cakewalk, but not chemo and not as damaging, from what we've heard). This would be wonderful. This would be an answer to our prayers and hopes and so we ask that you all join us (as we know you have been and will be) in hoping for the same.

God is faithful. Amazing how seemingly small news can bring light and hope to the situation. It's awesome.